the one where charlie breaks my heart and rebuilds it all at once

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autism, My Family, Personal, special needs

The time has come to get serious about Charlie and occupational therapy and diagnosis. Part of me always knew this was coming – it is certainly not my first rodeo. But part of me held out hope that he would be spared the uphill climb. Shoot, who am I kidding? It’s more like an uphill climb, while wearing a backpack filled with rocks, a lot of the time. Either way. I hoped to avoid it. For him to have a childhood filled with only swimming and soccer games, not therapists and doctors. Apparently, my genes are just way too pushy.

It is really easy to get caught up in the jealousy and “why us-ness” of it all, and I really try very hard not to go there. Most people like to try to help by pointing out how much worse the situation could be. I never found that to be particularly helpful. By that logic, no one would be allowed any feelings at all, because there is always going to be someone worse off than they are. You don’t have to earn the right to be sad or tired. It is not a contest. Everyone is entitled to feel their own feelings about what is on their own plate. I’m getting a little sidetracked here. I do that. Anyway, what I do find to be helpful, is to focus on what we do have. Charlie has some issues that will be very challenging, that is true, but he also has a lot of strengths. He is incredibly smart. He has a near photographic memory. He is sweet and loving. He has an eye for detail, and will stop in his tracks to take things in that most people ignore. When we walk to the car at night, he will stop to point out how beautiful the stars are. Now that is a quality to be appreciated and valued. I have learned over the years that things may start as issues, but can be cultivated into strengths. I know we can do that with Charlie, and I am thankful. And maybe, we will get lucky, and he will have his daddy’s work ethic to do it. Fingers crossed.

So, I allowed myself to be kind of down in the dumps today. The thought of getting back onto the therapy roller coaster was sounding pretty overwhelming. And I will have many days where I struggle like this. But I know I won’t be staying down, because I have a son waiting to show me the stars.






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